Monthly Archives: November 2014

Creating team spirit of success under stressful conditions

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A few years ago, the football team of my son, age 9 at that time played against Ajax. I was not the coach. At the break the score was 3:0 for Ajax. I spoke with the coach, and told him that the team do not trust that they can win. He answered: Ajax pick their players from 4000 kids, I pick them from maximum 20. I asked his permission to talk to the kids. He was open and caring, and allowed me to talk to them during this break. The game ended 3:3.

After my speech with them they were fighting and went for the win. They did it.

Imagine a military unit that lost 14 out of 40 people in one blast, in enemy area, and look devastated. Agreeing to this reality, could mean my death too.

Both realities are actually the same reality, with different application.

A few points should be trained and delivered:

  • The difference between winners and losers is never the result, but the spirit. Winners will transform every result to a growth and drive moment, while losers will only torture themselves.
  • Forgiving is an expression of guilt. Meaning – we have made mistakes that were not supposed to be done. Will this attitude reset the reality to where it was?
  • We need to get them involved in shifting the reality into the desired reality. Forgiving will not get that attitude. The way to do so is to relate together to the following questions:
    • What are the results that I call mistakes?
    • What was my intention? (By values and results)
    • What were the actions that I took?
    • What did I miss?
    • What are the opportunities evolving from these results?
    • What do I need to correct? (if there is a correction needed)

This spirit needs to be trained and coached at any time and any result. This is not a trick of one time. It can be done in every break and end of a game or competition. Unfortunately, some answers to coaching and trainership can be delivered only through real-practice and not over this platform.

Is self-forgiveness a contradiction or a part of self-loyalty and authenticity?

2 Replies

When our children hurt someone by mistake, we instruct them to appologize, by saying ‘sorry’. We expect or hope that the ‘hurt’ person will forgive. Then we shall feel ‘relief’. Obviously it involves GUILT. Thus the forgiving person is in a ‘superior’ position over the ‘wrong’ person.

We know that we never know the result before we take the action. Mistakes are human. The concept of ‘No-Mistakes’ destroys willingness to dare and contradict humanness. But, the emotional relief of being forgiven – what about this? The answer is in the following questions:

  • Will the forgiveness solve the mistake?
  • Will the request for forgiveness bring the reality back to the reality that took place before the mistake?
  • Did we have a bad intention? (Because in this case that it is not a mistake).
  • Will the forgiveness and the emotional relief support our growth, or maybe this emotional relief will prevent future self-development?

Self- forgiveness is even worse, as underneath we claim without self-awareness, that we should not have made this ‘silly-mistake’. Meaning – even between ourselves we take a position of superiority – ‘such a mistake I should not have done. I should have known it.’ This is a highly arrogant statement, because if we would have known – we would not have done that mistake.

The answer to such a situation is by verifying that we grow out of our mistakes by the following steps:

  • What are the results that I call mistakes?
  • What was my intention? (By values and results)
  • What were the actions that I took?
  • What did I miss?
  • What are the opportunities evolving from these results?
  • What do I need to correct? (if there is a correction needed)
  • If the consequences of the mistake involve other people, what and how need to be done to create partnership in the correction.

Unfortunately there is a huge culture around us that make ‘forgiveness’ – proper. Forgiveness contradict self-loyalty and excellence. We need to train our mind to love our mistakes and not to make them a source of guilt.