Me and my real feelings


I faced a significant confrontation with myself, when I found myself completely flooded by my jealousy. My reactions were between strong feeling of anger to despair and giving up. My night sleep was very bad and eating was not an option. I suffered and struggled. But I knew that it was not my desire.

A different very significant confrontation that I faced was, during a war, while visiting many injured friends. Then I had a very strong feeling to run away and to save my life from similar reality, while I knew that as a human being, my leadership is going to be lost completely. Scary moment, but I knew it was not my desire.

In my parenthood I faced many other similar confrontations with my feelings. While on one hand my children looked like needing help and seeking agreement with their difficulties, and my feelings were guiding me to agree with them, yet I knew that this will lead to decreasing their power and increase their dependency.

Later, always later, I found out that those moments when I could be clear on the gap between my self-manipulative feelings and my real authentic desires and values, brought me to moments of inspiration to my children and my friends, while experiencing growth and real inner power. Those were the moments where what I needed and used my self-discipline as a significant generator for myself.

Many people seek these moments of inner power. All of them have the needed qualities, but they miss the how to develop it.

Expressing the inner power – freely

  • What stops us from expressing our real human qualities beyond circumstances?
  • What is creating the gap between our intentions about ourselves and our existing quality of life?
  • How come that even when we are aware of that gap, we put efforts to close that gap and yet it works only partially?

If you find yourself disturbed, annoyed, bothered furious and even loosing big issues, it indicates that your own self-development needs a different attention from the way you are doing it so far. Otherwise – your reality would be the way you want it to be. Apparently thinking about it or reading about it do not give the wanted answers. Because – without shifting attitudes no real shift will take place. Actually – whenever we are trying to solve our confrontations by thinking about it, or by our logics – we are expressing our fear, and thus reinforce our past.

Shifting our reality necessitates several important steps, that all of them are important for the success of experiencing real freedom.

  • What is the real inner source of power of mine?
  • How do I want to express the inner power in real life?
  • What are my real desires of self-fulfillment?
  • How can I solve difficulties and confrontations without losing my freedom and without giving up on myself?
  • How do I communicate myself with my qualities and my limitations in such a way that it all turns into excellence?
  • How do I maintain my direction in life without ‘Losing-it’? These are the leading steps in self-development. There are all achievable. The question is are we willing to invest in ourselves to create our real freedom.

To fulfil the real me


What, How, Why, where am I in my life, the gap between who I can be and the actual use of my potential and talents.

Looking around – some of the ‘successful-people’. I know them, I met them. They are not really better than me. So what am I missing in me, that I am wasted? Not completely, but definitely it could look better.

 The few lines that are described above, are very common. In my experience of training and coaching many thousands of people, in high level of big and small companies, from entrepreneurs to government organizations.

The sad part is that the influence of these questions do not end with the people who are in the loop of these questions, but it continues to the next generation as-well: children, close family members, peers and employees.

 Can you identify yourself with some of the points mentioned above?

 It is very touching to see and to hear about many of those people, who went through some simple but effective processes, that these questions are solved successfully. Solved not for short term temporary hype, but significant and long-lasting shift of life.

 What is the secret? What is the trick?

The answer is, that there are no tricks. It has to start from creating the real-me through a very clear vision. A vision that is expressing – Not who I am “supposed” to be, and not who is it “Right” to be. The REAL-ME.

This vision, or in my words – my fulfilment dream, is and will be the source of the inner power which drives people beyond every difficulty and mistake. The generating power of people to express unique ideas and solutions into workable plans and achievements. In all areas of life. From business to relationships. From Studies to creativity and innovation. From corporates to one-man, home self-expression of art. From professionalism to Love.

All the people who force themselves to prove that they are successful, at the end of the process are wonder into the question – and now what?

The people who have a vision do not have this question. They have many others – but not the question of the need to force themselves.

The sad story is – that most people do not dare to dream any more. It is not common anymore. And those who dare to stop for a moment, to look at their own mirror and to really challenge themselves – try to solve it by the same way as before, and by themselves. They would go to a dentist for teeth problem, and to the supermarket for food. But when it comes to real self-fulfillment, then they are waiting for luck or god or anything, instead of using proven, available and easy methods that can get them to cross the bridge to the fulfillment of the REAL-ME.

Do you want to know more about this and see what you can get from the Challenge training?

Why do they fight with each-other?

Raising happy and powerful kidsWhen starting to create my family, I was clear that I would like to have 2 and even 3 children. In my dream, I saw them playing together, the grown-ups support the young-ones in their growth. I was aware that in many other families, and in many stories that I heard – there were fights and conflicts between the children. But, I thought that in good parenthood and proper attention, these fights can be prevented.

Nowadays, looking at how they behave with each-other, sometimes it is very far from my dream. What went wrong? What is it that got our children to be kind to other children, but, negative and sometimes hostile to each-other?

This reality is very common in most families. This happens, not because we intend bring up our children to be selfish. But we are falling into some simple mistakes that are creating nurturing ground for these fights to occur.

Some of those mistakes are:

  • We believe that our children are not manipulative, and thus show them that it works for their selfishness to manipulate us.
  • We believe that we need to protect the ‘weak-ones’ without considering that those are manipulations
  • We tend to lecture about how important it is to be one good family, but we do not let the children pay the consequences when they violate it
  • We tend to ‘solve’ the problems, and thus let the children manipulate us
  • WE do not maintain a clear ‘family-culture’ that brings the wanted family dream into      fulfillment, but we move into fast-reactions.
  • Above all – we do not lead and train our children into the wanted culture, but we expect them to get it out of our ‘preaching’ speeches.

Once family-culture is created and translated into functioning definitions – clarity will show-up for all family members. This is the beginning step. The next step is to create a leadership concept within the family that will allow every member to identify benefits and prices in the family life. The next step will be to maintain the ‘family-culture’ and to translate events from family life into growth process. This is a path that must be followed regularly, and cannot be neglected.

It looks as a hard work. NO – it is different. It is much harder and more painful, many years later to see the whole family structure collapses. The it will be to-late.

This is one in a series of blogs by Yiftach Sagiv about how we can raise happy and powerful kids. If you want to know more about the program than go to the Essence website for more info.

Raising happy and powerful kids: Are we a family?

Are we a family or just group of individuals with different interests?

When we, as parents – went for the “life-project” which is called “parenthood”, we had a kind of a dream, idea, wish, hope that was that we shall be a real – good – supportive family. From the moment the first child was there (by birth or adoption), this dream was and still is challenged. We face different opinions between us – as parents, which creates tensions, discussions and even conflicts. Sometime later, the child starts to bring other challenges and confrontations, which look so different from our dream. Not only these direct confrontations with our children are sources of doubts, but the discussions on how to bring up our children are becoming heavier. From these confrontations a serious question is evolving: Can our dream of the united – supportive – family be realized? How come that so many families (including our relationships with our own brothers/sisters) are facing arguments and discussions that look very far from our desired family-life? The answer to the last question – whether the dream can be realized is – YES, it can be and it has been proven to work in many families. The more relevant question is HOW can we create it? What is it that we are missing, or what is it that we do not know how to apply, in order to fulfill this important dream?
In order to realize this important and yet sensitive dream, we have to realize that we need to be able to integrate several sources of expectations, to bridge over several different personal cultures, to communicate in a variety of communication styles and to handle external sources of influential people like our own parents, teachers, neighbors and friends.
The beginning must be by setting very clear foundations for the family that will allow well-defined freedom for every member of the family to express their wishes, but still maintain the “family-unity” spirit. Once the foundation is prepared, it does not mean that the “rest-time” session starts. No, it just means that the foundation was prepared properly, and now we need to fill up all the means and methods to make this foundation ready for future steps.
It looks complicated, and actually it is, when we are not trained to do so. But after sometime of getting familiar with these methods, it is becoming easier and promising.

This is the first in a series of blogs by Yiftach Sagiv about how we can raise happy and powerful kids.

If want to know more about the program than go to the Essence website for more info.

What is the balance between – Freedom, Empowerment and Discipline?

Am I empowering, or, am I demanding ‘too-much’ from my children?

It is the never-ending argument between me and my partner: I think I am empowering our children, and she says I am expecting too much. She claims that I am dictating the ‘family-life’ when I demand too much from the children, and I find that she is ‘too-easy’ on their behavior in the family.
Then – sometimes later, the whole family goes on a ‘roller-coaster’ of frustration and disappointments from all sides – through questions like: How come they do not understand? Why don’t they keep their agreements? Why is the house looking like after a ‘revolution-war’ and when will they grow-up?!
We want to empower our children, to be independent and free. But when they take actions, which we find that contradict our expectations – we ask them: ‘who allowed you to do so?’ ‘Why didn’t you ask permission?’ ‘Why didn’t you understand by yourself?’ No wonder that what our kids start to avoid us. And then, we start to ask ourselves – Why aren’t they sharing with us openly? There are several keys that are necessary to solve these complications:

  • Family vision and agreed mutual platform of the family. Family vision will create a platform for all family-members, to identify themselves, and thus ‘will put all noses in the same direction’.
  • Agreed boundaries of the freedom amongst the leaders of the family – in most cases – the parents. These boundaries are not set to limit the freedom, but to clarify the boundaries of the ‘play-field’ named – family.
  • Coordination of diversity of solutions in specific events. This coordination will leave every parent in a functional effective zone, without necessity to be the copy of the other parent, and yet will create a platform of agreed differences.
  • Simple and supportive ‘house-rules’. House rules are important for all members of the family to create mutual clarity for ‘family-unity’.

All these are quite simple to achieve – once there is clarity how the process is worked out. After being ready with all those – come the next step – launching these keys in a wise way into the reality of the family.

This is the second in a series of blogs by Yiftach Sagiv about how we can raise happy and powerful kids. If you want to know more about the program than go to the Essence website for more info.